Recently, I found some of my mother’s old papers that I’d saved and found this article posted by Ethel Bradford from the Green Sheet dated December 19, 1985 and credited to an unknown author. I put it in the pile to throw away and then the title struck a chord with me—Oh, That Funny Mother…
I remember my brother, Randy, saying that to Mom and both of them laughing. I pulled it from the pile and started reading it…and laughing. Maybe you’ll remember a Christmas like this. Hope you enjoy it too.
Oh, That Funny Mother…
See mother. See mother laugh. Mother is happy. Mother is happy about Christmas. Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas. Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time. Funny, funny mother.
See mother. See mother smile. Mother is happy. The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV. Watch, children, watch. See the children change their minds. See them ask Santa for different toys. Look. Look. Mother is not smiling. Funny, funny mother.
See mother. See mother sew. Mother will make dresses. Mother will make robes. Mother will make shirts. See mother put the zipper in wrong. See mother sew the dress on the wrong side. See mother cut the shirt too short. See mother put the material away until January. Look. Look. See mother take a tranquilizer. Funny, funny mother.
See mother. See mother buy raisins and nuts. See mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar. See mother buy flour and dates and pecans and brown sugar and bananas and spices and vanilla. Look. Look. Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies. See the flour on their elbows. See the cookies burn. See the cake fall. See the children pull taffy. See mother pull her hair. See mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose. Funny, funny mother.
See mother. See mother wrap presents. See mother look for the end of the scotch tape roll. See mother bite her fingernails. See mother go. See mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.
Go, mother, go. See mother go faster. Run, mother, run.
See mother trim the tree. See mother have a party. See mother make popcorn. See mother wash the walls. See mother scrub the rug. See mother tear up the organization chart. See mother forget the gift for Uncle Harold. See mother get the hives. Go, mother, go. See the faraway look in mother’s eyes. Mother has become disorganized. Mother has become disoriented. Funny, funny mother.
It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family. See father smile. Father is happy. Smile, father, smile. Father loves fruit cake. Father loves Christmas pudding. Father loves all his new neckties. Look. Look. See the happy children. See the children’s toys. Santa was very good to the children. The children will remember this Christmas.
See mother. Mother is slumped in a chair. Mother is crying uncontrollably. Mother does not look well. Mother has ugly dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. Everyone helps mother to her bed. See mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation. See mother smile. Funny, funny mother.
Cindy A. Christiansen
Sweet Romance, Humor, Suspense...and Dogs!
Fly into a good book at: http://www.dragonflyromance.com
Copyright of dog with cookies: sinnawin / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright of white dog with lights: baronb / 123RF Stock Photo